I have
recently moved to a new place, far away from home, having never been here and
knowing no one. It’s been a tough transition. I am doing a social work graduate
program here, one that will take me one year. This program is challenging as it
has a thesis required to be done in 10 months. I have asked myself everyday
what I’m doing here—far away from home, friends, and opportunities. All for
this degree that supposedly makes me look better in the world “out there”. This is going to be an intense year of school
and high expectations. I am in way over my head and desperate for strength
beyond myself. I feel like a lunatic for trying to attempt something like this.
I challenge my attendance to class, my ability to meet the requirements, and my
purpose for being here…everyday. Did I mention I was way over my head?
So I was out
for a run the other day, a way for me to get fresh air and take a break from an
unbelievably challenging load of homework. I didn’t have a place to put my key
so I decided, like any average girl on a run, to put my key in my sports bra. I
didn’t think this was a bad idea, I’ve been doing it for years. It wasn’t a
problem until the end of my run when I had realized that it wasn’t there
anymore. Panicking, I pulled out my shirt and looked down and all around, I
felt my shorts, shoes, and even hair to see if it was there…nothing. I stood
outside my apartment complex for a minute and scolded myself. This was only my
second night here, I don’t know anyone, I certainly didn’t know how to get back
into my apartment, it’s getting dark, and I have my first day of class in the
morning. Great. Fabulous. I love my life. After realizing my stupidity and
beating myself up, I checked all over myself one more time just to make sure it
wasn’t there and I set off to retrace my steps. A mile and a half might I say.
I glued my eyes to the ground, scanning every which way and would ask people I
was passing if they saw a key on the ground. Nothing. After about 30 minutes of
looking and asking multiple people, it was time to call it quits because it was
dark and there was no way I was going to find anything at this point.
I had
contacted my dad (what any girl would do in this desperate situation) and he
was able to give me an emergency phone number to call for my apartment complex.
As I was about to call this number, frantic, frazzled, and flustered (the 3
F’s), I heard a voice. I very soft, but audible voice inside my head. It was
God. It’s happened before, nothing knew. I’m sure it happens more than I can
recall because most of the time I’m not paying close enough attention to it. He
just said “Ali. Trust me.” When I heard that I stopped. Right there in the
midst of the 3 F’s. I took a deep breath and just said to myself okay. It’s alright. Okay. I called the
emergency number and they were going to let me in for free the first time and
then I could fill out a form for a new key in the morning. Okay. This is fine I told
myself. As I was walking back to my apartment complex that I had walked a mile
and half to backtrack, I felt something in the center of my sports bra. You are
not going to believe me but my key was right in front of my eyes, right where I
had placed it from the start. And I’m telling you…It was not there before! It wasn’t there before!
As soon as I found I
found my key I felt this sense of calm again.
Could it be that God was foreshadowing my upcoming year? Was it a
coincidence that this happened the night before my first class? Could it be
that he was bringing me to a place to trust him right then and there, to
ultimately show me that I need to rely on him the whole year? Sounds like a
yes, yes, and yes to me.
I have
learned that we should not ask for tasks equal to our strength, but rather
strength equal to our tasks. I can’t sit here and tell you that I still don’t
feel like David in a battle against Goliath—because that is exactly how I feel.
But what I can sit here and say is that until it is made clear to me that I am
to pack up my bags and go home, I am going to fight my heart out this year,
because in the end, it’s not about the degree or the thesis, it’s about the
journey, and how we are transformed along the way. And when God says “yes” to something,
you better buckle up and hold on, because it’s going to be a crazy ride.
Ali
