Buckle Up

I have recently moved to a new place, far away from home, having never been here and knowing no one. It’s been a tough transition. I am doing a social work graduate program here, one that will take me one year. This program is challenging as it has a thesis required to be done in 10 months. I have asked myself everyday what I’m doing here—far away from home, friends, and opportunities. All for this degree that supposedly makes me look better in the world “out there”.  This is going to be an intense year of school and high expectations. I am in way over my head and desperate for strength beyond myself. I feel like a lunatic for trying to attempt something like this. I challenge my attendance to class, my ability to meet the requirements, and my purpose for being here…everyday. Did I mention I was way over my head?

So I was out for a run the other day, a way for me to get fresh air and take a break from an unbelievably challenging load of homework. I didn’t have a place to put my key so I decided, like any average girl on a run, to put my key in my sports bra. I didn’t think this was a bad idea, I’ve been doing it for years. It wasn’t a problem until the end of my run when I had realized that it wasn’t there anymore. Panicking, I pulled out my shirt and looked down and all around, I felt my shorts, shoes, and even hair to see if it was there…nothing. I stood outside my apartment complex for a minute and scolded myself. This was only my second night here, I don’t know anyone, I certainly didn’t know how to get back into my apartment, it’s getting dark, and I have my first day of class in the morning. Great. Fabulous. I love my life. After realizing my stupidity and beating myself up, I checked all over myself one more time just to make sure it wasn’t there and I set off to retrace my steps. A mile and a half might I say. I glued my eyes to the ground, scanning every which way and would ask people I was passing if they saw a key on the ground. Nothing. After about 30 minutes of looking and asking multiple people, it was time to call it quits because it was dark and there was no way I was going to find anything at this point. 

I had contacted my dad (what any girl would do in this desperate situation) and he was able to give me an emergency phone number to call for my apartment complex. As I was about to call this number, frantic, frazzled, and flustered (the 3 F’s), I heard a voice. I very soft, but audible voice inside my head. It was God. It’s happened before, nothing knew. I’m sure it happens more than I can recall because most of the time I’m not paying close enough attention to it. He just said “Ali. Trust me.” When I heard that I stopped. Right there in the midst of the 3 F’s. I took a deep breath and just said to myself okay. It’s alright. Okay. I called the emergency number and they were going to let me in for free the first time and then I could fill out a form for a new key in the morning. Okay. This is fine  I told myself. As I was walking back to my apartment complex that I had walked a mile and half to backtrack, I felt something in the center of my sports bra. You are not going to believe me but my key was right in front of my eyes, right where I had placed it from the start. And I’m telling you…It was not there before!  It wasn’t there before! 

As soon as I found I found my key I felt this sense of calm again.  Could it be that God was foreshadowing my upcoming year? Was it a coincidence that this happened the night before my first class? Could it be that he was bringing me to a place to trust him right then and there, to ultimately show me that I need to rely on him the whole year? Sounds like a yes, yes, and yes to me.

I have learned that we should not ask for tasks equal to our strength, but rather strength equal to our tasks. I can’t sit here and tell you that I still don’t feel like David in a battle against Goliath—because that is exactly how I feel. But what I can sit here and say is that until it is made clear to me that I am to pack up my bags and go home, I am going to fight my heart out this year, because in the end, it’s not about the degree or the thesis, it’s about the journey, and how we are transformed along the way. And when God says “yes” to something, you better buckle up and hold on, because it’s going to be a crazy ride.

Ali