And then I'll be okay.

At my internship, I work with a woman who is in her 60s and has been trying to sell her house for the past 8 months all so she can move in with her husband who took a job 4 hours away. It has been quite the journey to witness as there were issues with the piping system in the house which caused thousands of extra dollars, a mentally handicapped child, and unexpected circumstance happening in the office. It has led her to a stressful and unpredictable time in life. She has been traveling with her daughter to see her husband who is renting a pop-up camper until they can sell their old house and buy a new one every weekend, along with additional trips as she tries to find a job in the new area. I have witnessed someone who has a lot of life under her belt go through an incredibly difficult transition.

As a current grad student graduating in May, trying to figure out a career, licensure, living situations, relationships, buying furniture, up-keeping a car, and trying to integrate credit card bills, phone bills, medical bills, and car insurance, I’m overwhelmed. Oh yea, and the normal day-to-day demands of being a full-time student and graduate assistant while working 20 hours a week in the school district. This past week my sleep was compensated for hours and hours of worrying about getting data for my thesis. All the pressure—pressure from the self to perform and to succeed.

But then I think, ‘haven’t I always felt this way about life?’ At any given point in my life, whether it be in middle school, high school, or college, there have always been things drowning me in worry about the next step of life.  It never ends. At any given point in life I have always said:

"Once I get through this exam”,

"Once I get through this depression”,

"Once I move out of the house”,

"Once I am in a relationship”,

"Once I get my degree”,

"Once I get a job”,

"Once I own a home,”

"Once I have children”,

"Once I get paid”….THEN, I’ll be okay. But until all that happens, I will just have to suffer and wallow my way in misery until ALLLLL that happens. Because all that needs to happen for me to be okay.

As a look at the woman I work with and all the transition that is happening for her in her 60s, I have to face that this is life. The good and bad, the worry and reward, all encompasses real life. With all its ups and downs. Just when one phase is done, the next is coming. This is a daunting thought if our definition of “real life” is only the up and coming, forward motions, success, promotions, and awards. Maybe, just maybe, life isn't about looking to the future as much as it is living in the present, even the unpleasant and mundane. Because life does stop, and at some point thinking in the future will get us nowhere but the ground.

I believe life happens today. Moment by moment. And our being “okay” does not hinge on the happening of favorable circumstances. We can choose to truly live with joy and passion in whatever phase of life we’re in, regardless of any circumstance.

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life--the life God is sending one day by day." -CS Lewis