I say I'm weak, He says he's sufficient

Tomorrow I’m driving across the country to Glacier National Park to embark on a summer-long journey in the mountains. I will be serving with A Christian Ministry in the National Park (ACMNP) as a chaplain, but will also be working full-time as a waitress at The Italian Garden.

I’m wired for adventure and change, but I have to be honest, I’m terrified of leaving home. Absolutely everything is unknown to me at this point. I have great friendships and opportunities I am leaving behind—all for a place filled with people I don’t know. I feel the evil one attack me by saying I won’t have any friends, I won’t be good at my job, and I’ll probably just fail at everything in my ministry and have to go home. Writing this out makes it seem silly to think that way, but it’s real in my head.

But in the midst of myself and satan speaking daunting thoughts to me, I hear God speaking in the background. I don’t always listen to this voice because it certainly is the quieter one unfortunately. Here has been our conversation lately.

Me: I don’t think I can do this. It’s too much for me to handle

                “You can do all things. I will supply all your needs”

Me: I’m afraid. All these unknown places and experiences

                “I have not given you a spirit of fear”

Me: I don’t know if I can make it the whole summer

                “My grace is sufficient for you”

I realize my feelings of inadequacy and insuffiency are exactly where I’m supposed to be. As Henry Blackaby says, “I have come to the place in my life that if the assignment I sense God giving me is something I know I can handle, I know it probably is not from God. The kind of assignments God gives us in the bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do because He wants to demonstrate his nature, his strength, his provision, his kindness to his people and to a watching world”. Sure, God has lead me to the mountains for the summer to let my spirit be free and unleash the wild heart inside me; but even bigger than that, he has lead me out to the mountains to glorify himself—using  a person whose weakness is attractive to His strength.

I rejoice because I serve an unchanging and infinite God. Although my world is changing, He is not. And though I am small and frail, he is bigger than I understand. And if all else fails, and this experience turns out poorly, at least I will have been enriched by the wilderness and people around me.

Please pray for safe travels, a heart that is open to change, and mind that is ready to have its world rocked.